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Post by Drew Law on Aug 3, 2007 23:43:17 GMT -5
  I try to go on like I never knew you I'm awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken _____________________________________ reserved - marissa
Okay, so, sometimes even the best of us make rash decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions we pretty much know we're going to regret the moment, the minute, especially the morning after. Maybe not regret, regret because at least, you know, we put ourselves out there. Something inside us decides to do a crazy thing. A thing we know will probably turn around and bite us in the ass. Yet, we do it anyway. We reap what we sow. what comes around goes around. It's karma and, any way you slice it. Karma sucks. One way or another our karma will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. It's not unexpected. It just evens the score. And even when we're about to do something we know will tempt karma to bite us in the ass. Well, it goes without saying. We do it anyways.
Drew sat on his bed running his hands on the top of his head. The whole thing with Heidi had come and go. He had that strong feeling of screwing himself over. He hadn't even talked to Melissa in months and had been avoiding her at socialite parties to shopping. But now he felt a need for Marissa. It was like this thing he had been nagging for. It was a craving almost like a food craving. He had be wanting to see her ever since the incident happened. Marissa had been so present in his life before the whole thing happened taking her out so quickly was a huge killer. He usually turned to her for advice if in need and he did a few times when he was with Heidi but he couldn't. He needed his space then. He didn't know why but that whole conversation had scared him so badly. He needed her and thats all he knew at this point. But would it be hard to put her back in his life? He didn't know. He was so afraid of what she thought of him now. He had turned against her. Abandonded her trust and love, what an asshole.
The reason why he left her so quickly was too many to list. He was scared of what would become of him. Yes he was being a bit selfish because at this point everything seemed to be about him. Drew, Drew, Drew, and of course Drew, but thats not how he wanted it too be. The wall of protection had fallen so quickly life seemed to take so many unexpected turns. He had told Marissa something that was never told. He couldn't remember why he had taken the risk to tell her. He wished he could take it all back now. If he could their relationship wouldn't have been such a wreck now. They would most likely be hanging out at his place watching a movie and laughing. He would have never dated Heidi or slept with her. He would have been with Marissa. Life was tough sometimes and it seemed like desicions were timeless. He just wished time could pause for a moment or two.
He looked at his cell phone almost longing it would ring with her name on it. He picked it up and ran over recived calls. Her name showed up no where. It felt so alien to him that he wasn't on speaking terms with the girl he was so crazy about. He wouldn't be surprised if she had moved on to someone else. He had hurt her so badly and if she knew anything about him and Heidi then he was just plain screwed. He took a deep breath in and let it out releaving him of some of the built of stress. He wasn't happy without her in his life. He wished things could just go back the way things were. But if life were that easy the thrills, excitment, and suspense wouldn't be so extreme. His eyes were glued to his cell almost tying to send vibes to Marissa. He rolled his eyes and fell back onto his bed. He was loosing hope in all of this.
He didn't really deserve her anyways. After everything that happened then lead her on to let her find out he was dating Heidi. I mean it was a bit fucked up of him to mess with her like that. But he was scared. He needed to get far enough from Marissa to feel comfortable again and now he felt depressed without her. He had compared Heidi to Marissa every day he saw Heidi. It was terrible of him to do that but he was crazy about her and still is. I mean he wouldn't be trying to send vibes to her to call him if he didn't. And it obviously wasn't exactly working because his cell phone hadn't recived a call from her like he was hoping. He glanced at the time on the cell in his hand 9:13 pm. He let his head roll to the side as he yawned. He needed to get out of his house. He needed to see Marissa and fix things with her. If it was one thing he couldn't stand was undone ends. Not that he wanted to end it he just hated the feeling of going no where. He wanted to know which way was up or down in this relationship.
Then it was when he remembered something very important. Right before he left her he had said he needed time. So maybe she was waiting for him to get in contact with her. He opened his cell phone quickly. His hands grew a bit sweaty as they held the cell in them. He went through his phonebook finding the name Marissa he quickly typed a short text, hey. i miss you. duchys? we can talk things over. meet you in thirty. He pressed the send button very slowly because he was starting to have doubts. He didn't want to have to feel any more pain and he really didn't want her too either. But it was now too late to change anything. His text was now on her phone and now he had to get ready. His heart was racing faster than a freaking racehorse. She was once a part of his terrible past and for once he was going back to his past to try and fix it. This in itself just showed how much he cared.
He changed quickly into a tux and stood infront of the mirror. What would she say to him? He would be heartbroken if she texted him back saying no. He had a huge fear of rejection and that would just make it worse. He had feelings for Marissa which he already had expressed to her in two ways, words and actions. Everything happened so quickly but he was positive that the feelings still remained. The times he had slept with Heidi it wasn't just a conincidence that he would wish it was Marissa lying in his arms. Or walking around town with Heidi he just wished it was Marissa he was with. Yes, he still have strong feelings for her and he doubted that they would go away. No matter how far away he pushed Marissa even if it was to japan he would still have strong feelings for her. Which bothered him a bit because he was hurting both of them because of his emotional fears in life. Drew Law, was an emotional wimp.
Drew caught himself staring blankly into the mirror. Luckily there hadn't been a no reply back on his phone but then it worried him because what if she had just decided to ignore it. Well if she didn't show up he couldn't blame her. He just didn't want to sit there looking like an idiot. He walked out the door trying not to think to much about it. He wondered towards his car and drove off. He got to Duchys and parked his car locking it after closing the door. Slipping the keys into his pocket he walked in a bit nervously. He glanced around trying to spott Marissa then realized she wasn't here yet. He got a table for notifying the waiter that she was comming. He began to glance around trying to figure out how to greet her. Why did life have to be so complicated?
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Post by Marissa Taylor on Aug 3, 2007 23:45:52 GMT -5
  She's got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see her cry
-----------------------------[/size] Heartbreak and depression, two things that Marissa hates feeling. She has felt those two things more times than she likes to count or remember. She hoped that once she got out of her house and into the way of Hollywood life that she would never have to feel the pain of those two feelings again. Boy was she wrong. For the past months that was all that her heart was feeling. She tried hiding them, but people could tell. Mostly the people that could tell were the ones that worked with her. The ones that were with her when she was on the set of her television show. She tried to put those feelings aside and work full force on her job, after all that was the only thing that she had going for her right now. It was no use though, she was sad and heartbroken. Everyone could see it on her face, she was a girl with a broken heart.
It wasn't like she was crying all over the place, in fact she never cried, it was just her demeanor and the way she acted around set. In fact she promised herself that she wouldn't cry over this. Of course she cried for countless nights in the row right after that day in the bluebell. After that though she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't over this again, not ever. It was done with. There wasn't any reason for her to be crying her eyes out over this. It wasn't like the more tears falling from her eyes the closer Drew was to coming back to her. After a couple of weeks of no word from Drew, she figured that he was gone for good that no matter how many nights she cried herself to sleep he didn't care and he wasn't going to come back. She just had to realize that fact.
So after taking a few days to herself she went back to work. In beginning everything was alright, she was back to her normal self. The person that her cast mates and crew grew to know and love. Besides that though because she took those days off she had a ton of scenes that she had to film in just the shortest amount of time. Great how things work out sometimes. She needed something to get her mind of Drew, and she just happened to have to film more scenes than normal. After the few days of catching up on her scenes she was back to her same old routine, she only had one or two scenes per day if she was lucky. Now she had to think of something else to do to get her mind off of what his name, and she found it. She was going to get wasted every night at Envy. The paparazzi sured loved those nights that turned into weeks.
Two weeks later she woke up with her biggest hangover yet and all she could wonder was this worth it? Was it worth getting completely wasted at night only to feel much worse when she wakes up in the morning? Normally she knew that it wasn't worth it, but now she had no idea what to think. All of this was coming to fast and she needed a way out. Normally she would be running to Drew, in hopes that he would be able to fix her. But what was she going to do, when the one guy that normally fixed her, was the guy that broke her in the first place? She was lost and was giving up all hope. That's when her cast mates and crew started realizing that something was wrong with her. They just didn't know how to ask her, so they all kept those thoughts in their head and just watched her crumble, as much as it hurt them, they didn't know what to do.
Today was like another day in the last few months without Drew. She went work, worked on her scenes and was back in her house around seven at night. She would go to her phone and hope that there was a missed call and the name read Drew, and every day she looked at her phone and there was the occasional missed call by some friends, but none by the one person that she wanted. With a small sigh she went to kitchen fixed her some popcorn and got one her many two liters of Mountain Dew. She walked into her living room and turned on the television and dove into her favorite shows, her favorite drink and the best snack food in the world. This was what her life has come too. She couldn't go out knowing that she would get wasted, and that wasn't turning out to be the best idea at the current moment.
Taking a quick look at the clock she couldn't believe that it was already nine at night. Maybe time goes by when your watching on of the most amazing shows, not when your out having fun. At the time of the next commercial she heard her text ring tone. She walked over and picked up the phone looking at the name she immediately dropped the phone. She couldn't believe who just texted her. This had to be a dream, more like a nightmare. This was not helping her in getting over him. Realizing that this wasn't a dream or a nightmare she gained her composure and picked up the phone from the ground. Now the question remained, was she going to open it and read the text? Sure at first she wanted to open that phone so fast and read it. But what if it said something that she wasn't ready to read? Something that could hurt her more than she already was?
Next thing she knew she walked up to her bedroom, closed phone in hand, and looked over to her bed stand. On the bed stand there was every single magazine that put something about him and Heidi in it. "I guess nothing can hurt more than that" she sighed as she opened the phone, and pushed the button to read the text. Taking a deep breath she finally opened her eyes and read the text. She couldn't believe what she was reading, she dropped the phone, again, and fell onto her bed. Taking slow deep breaths she read the text over and over in her mind.
Finally realizing that this wasn't a dream, this was real, the smallest smile came to her face, now her lips weren't facing downward, they weren't facing upward, they were just in a straight line, well as straight as lips could be. She couldn't think of anything and she didn't have the time to write something back. The first five minutes she just sat there deciding whether or not she should even go. should she allow herself to put her heart back on the line again? If she did, why should she? Last time she did that she got it broken in a million pieces, why would this time be anything different?
Deciding that maybe she should go to Duchy's. If anything this night would allow her to find closure. So maybe if it didn't turn out like she wanted, she would at least have the closure that she wanted and would maybe be able to finally move on with the rest of her life. Walking over to her closet finding the perfect red dress. Something that Marissa was good at, was getting the right clothes for the right occasion. Taking one last look in the mirror she made her way outside to her car. As she reached the door to the outside she walked out and looked up at the stars. It has been way to long for her since the last time that she saw stars. She couldn't help but smile and taking the all the fresh air in. She finally made her over to car and got in ready to make her way to Duchy's.
As she started the car, she looked at the clock in the car. It read 9:45, she knew she was going to be a little late, she now was hoping that he would wait. After all he didn't give her much time to get ready, and she did live twenty minutes away from Duchy's as it was. Finally reaching the parking lot of Duchy's she looked around for a parking lot and found the perfect one. She stayed in her car taking a few deep breaths getting her heartbeat down in ready for what was to come. The next few steps were going to be the hardest she ever took in the last couple on months. The only steps that she has taken that would compare was the ones that she had to take leaving the bluebell woods after Drew left her there alone. Those steps were steps that she wishes she would never feel again.
She finally entered the door of duchy's, giving her coat to one of the many workers there she smiled. "I believe the reservation is under Drew Law" she said in a calm and collected tone. The hostess nodded as she brought Marissa to the table in which Drew was sitting. Taking one last deep breathe she smiled toward the hostess and made her way to the table. How should she greet him? Things were just so weird and strained between them right now. Should she wave? No that was lame no matter what. Should she hug him? No, how weird would that be, they haven't talked in the last couple of months. Finally she decided to just sit down. It was simple and hopefully wouldn't cause anymore weirdness. Now the question remained, was she going to be able to last throughout dinner?
ooc;; holy muse....that was unexpected[/size] |
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Post by Drew Law on Aug 3, 2007 23:46:50 GMT -5
There are certain people, you keep coming back to. Shes right infront of you. And could you make it any more obvious that you want her all for yourself. _____________________________________
Drew sat at in the chair staring at his white linen napkin. His hands were sweaty and he looked lost. It wasn't the first time he felt alone. It was like everything he had gotten to know slipped out of his hands, but this time it wasn't anyone elses fault it was his own. He always ended up pushing the ones he learned to love away. If you never loved or cared about anyone you could never get hurt. It was simple as that and it had become the philosphy of Drew Law. It was his number one rule. But he hadn't caught himself in time with Marissa. He held it out longer than he would have normally. He let himself develop very strong feelings for the female. This hadn't happened to him in years. Then he tried escaping them by dating Heidi well obviously that didn't go to well. I mean look where he was now. He had no one. He had lost both girls in the process but what really killed him was that he might never get one of them back. Was it obvious that he really liked her? In the process of breaking her heart he had broken his own. He never meant to hurt anyone especially not her.
He had this dreaded feeling of a relationship lost in the confusing shades of gray. In other words he was trying to play in two ball parks. He was trying to be the best friend and be the lover. He had told her his past which he considered only to be trusted with his best best best best best, you get it, friends. Then there was a seperate relationship that had evolved out of that in the same day which was a fling now but at the moment he wanted to be with Marissa in a relationship. He was playing two very difficult roles for him to play in general. Together they had caused a lot of chaos. He was now at this present moment trying to figure out which one he was. He had to choose one. But now it looked like Marissa didn't want anything to do with him. He was mad about that he just needed time and now they lost everything they had. The thing was that he wasn't mad at Marissa he was mad at himself at loosing something amazing.
For once he wished he could have looked at a magazine and seen, "Drewissa the newest hottest couple in hollywood." Then with a cute picture of them kissing or holding hands in public. Usually he hated that kind of thing and he got a little of it when he was with Heidi. But he wanted that for him and Marissa. He wanted to see that and laugh about it but be so happy inside. He wanted to wake up and see Marissas face beside him. He wanted to grab coffe in the morning with her. He wanted to kiss her whenever he wanted to. He wanted to hold her petite body in his arms. He wanted to buy her the world and the moon. He wanted to make her smile and laugh like he use to be able too. He wanted to be that guy that pointed at her and said, "Yeah thats my girlfriend. She's all mine." It seemed like he had passed that up now. He had missed that moment. He let it fall to pieces and it seemed like glue and scotch tape wouldn't be able to fix it.
Drew took a sip of the water that sat in his glass. He began to worry that she wouldn't show. He sat in the chair not moving afraid that if he did he would just screw up some more. He closed his eyes for a few moments. He probably looked like he was on drugs. He hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in forever. He was tried, worn out, and to top it off empty. Empty was just the beginning of what he was feeling. There was no words to discribe how he was feelings. It was like trying to walk towards the light without knowing where it was. Or hearing someone you love call your name but not knowing where it was coming from because its echoing off all the walls around you. It was a mix of confusion, emptyness, and heartbreak. It could not be cured by medicine, herbs, cream, or a hug. Love is what broke it and thats what had to cure it.
He was looking for something that he had never once seen. He was trying to find the thing that everyone was talking about. The things that people reffered to as the L word. No one ever said it because it was so strong. If you said it too soon people never belived you if you said it too late it looked like you were trying to get them back by using sweet words. Everyone wanted it to be said to them, but it had to sound like you actually meant it. It had to be said at the right moment. Drew never belived in love because he had never seen it growing up and anyone he ever loved was taken away from him.
He had learned to hate love. It never brought him any good. But all good things come to an end so why start it? He didn't know where to look anymore for it. He wanted to feel that feeling that everyone wrote about in books and was played out in almost every hollywood movie. Hell he would know if he was in love if it hit him in the head. Maybe he was in love... Yes what a thought right? If he told one of his friends they would have rolled their eyes. It was something that happened when you were older as they said. He didn't know if that was true. But then again he didn't know what it was. Maybe he would understand when he was older...
Drew finally made up his mind. He wanted Marissa as more than a friend. Yes, thats right he was going to give it all for her. He would throw his heart out for her if thats what was going to have to happen. Even if she didn't catch it and now he didn't expect her to but he just wanted to be able to look back and know he tried to fix it.
He needed her more than she imagined. He needed to learn to love once more. He wanted to turn his cold heart warm and he figured she was the only one that could do that for him since she was the first person that he ever would trust with his secrets. She was everything he had ever wanted but he screwed it up because he knew that he better break it off now better than later. Everything hurt more later on, didn't it? Thats what it seemed like. But he would much rather look back and see himself having the time of his life with the love of his life rather than seeing himself run away from every moment that could bring him happyness. Yes all good things did come to an end, but if the moment was special it all paid off in the end and thats what Drew had come to now. Now it was harder to put this all into actions.
Where was she? He looked down at his clock and felt his hands grow clamy again. He wiped them off on his napkin. He took another large sip of water. What if he had lost her forever? He would never forgive himself. He just wanted to restart and after he told her his feelings about how much he cared he wouldn't walk away. He would sit there and hold her. It was nice to dream to bad it was his past and his past could never change. That just sucked. He wanted to just see her smile at him now. He wasn't aming to high. He just wanted to make her happyy again. He wished he could fix all this disaster. He made continual glances to his watch. Time kept gowing no matter how much he wanted to pause it. He looked up hearing a familar voice a slight smile broke on his face immediatly forgetting how they hadn't been on speaking terms. He would have gotten up and huged her but then suddenly it all came back to him again. The smile slightly faded.
He watched her as she approached him with such amazing grace. He wanted to just dissapear because he had caused so much unhappyness. He made a point to look away back down at his napkin that he had been playing with in his hands in a nervous and anxious way. Everything seemed so lifeless. He didn't even feel alive. He felt like a robot just doing never feeling. He felt numb to everything around him. It was like a daze between sleep and awake. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. He had experienced heartbreak but did that mean he expirenced love? Usually the two went together. He decided not to ponder on that. He just wanted to feel like he was once more a human with feelings. He wanted Marissa to know how much he really did care.
He watched her and thought about getting up to shake her hand. What was he supposed to do? He watched her sit. He was speechless. He didn't say anything at all for the first few minutes. It was akward. He glanced down at his menu almost in an ashamed way. If only she could see all the suffering he was going through. Although he was sure she had a lot as well. He didn't invite her just to eat. He could do that by himself. He looked at her again and clenched his jaw once more looking away. What was he supposed to do? He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He was making this so much more akward than what it could have been. He was lost once more in thought. He wanted to fix everything so quickly. He wanted to just hug and makeup like how it was when he was a kid.
He glanced back up. He had to say something to the girl. "I screwed up," he said in a sad tone. He looked a bit pained in the face as he refused to look at her. "I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry." He said before taking in a sharp breath of air. He let a long moment go by before looking up and opening his mouth to say something else, "I miss you and I want you to know I meant every last thing I said to you the last time we talked." He looked at his menu as if pretending to read but he was so caught up in his own thoughts he couldn't process anything. He just needed space and it had caused him chaos beyond belief. He tried to read the menu and just chose the first thing on it. He would have the steak. He doubted he would be able to eat to much. He just felt like being with Marissa not eating.
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Post by Marissa Taylor on Aug 3, 2007 23:47:48 GMT -5
Oh, she's getting tired of believing
Even sicker of pretending
That it's not so bad, just wait it out
----------------------------- [/size] Alienate. To alienate someone as the dictionary defines the word is to cause to become unfriendly or hostile; estrange. For the longest time and even in the last few seconds before seeing Drew's face Marissa thought about leaving Drew out of her life for good. What good could come from putting him back into her life? He already proved to her once that love wasn't real. Love was just some excuse to get hurt. So why go through with it again? Why put herself in that position again? Hell if she knew, besides the most likely decision could be that she came here to yell at him and then leave without another thought. Only if things were that easy. That was a great option go there, sit down, order some food, yell at the bastard that broke her heart into a million pieces, than leave. The perfect solution, she got what she wanted to say to him out and she also got a free dinner out of it. So was it settled then? Is that what she was going to do? She was just going to get as far as eating and then leave without looking back, doing the same thing to him what he had done to her just less than two months before, well actually one month and twenty-three days but who is counting?
Only if things were that easy. Then life wouldn't be the ride that people loved, well some people hated it, but those people were the ones that didn't try to make their life better. Wrong subject, back to the one that actually means something to the two people awkwardly sitting down for dinner. If things were as easy as that than life would be boring, and Marissa did not want a boring life, but she didn't want a heartbroken one either. Now she was at one of those crossroads in her life that everyone raged about. She could take the easy route and go yell at Drew and then run away from him and run to a life of what ifs and what could of been, or she could stay though dinner, fight it out and maybe things would change, or their little dinner conversation could make everything worse. What ever she was going to do she had to choose, and she had to choose fast. She had to know what she was going to do and to say.
Forgiveness, as the dictionary reads is compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive , the act of excusing a mistake or offense; absolution. In the time that it took for her to walk from the hostess stand to the table she came to the conclusion that she was going to try her hardest tonight. Trying her hardest starting with at least hearing him out, and what he had to say about the entire thing. It wasn't like she could end up worse off than she already was. In her current state her life consisted of going to work, filming a few scenes pretending to be happy so her cast and crew don't ask questions and then going home to an empty house where all she had the time to do was sit and think about how broken she was, and how this wasn't the life that she wanted for herself. This wasn't the life that she wanted for herself, it wasn't even the life that she thought she would be handed.
Maybe if she let go of all the anger that she had built up inside her than she would finally be living the life that she wanted. If she just let everything out that she holding up inside her ready to burst out, everything would go back to how it was before, she would be happy at her job, and just maybe she and Drew would be talking again. Granted the last thing was a far fetched in their current state, but who knew what would happen. Also it wasn't like Marissa was innocent in all of this. After all she did have that one night with Vladya. So she didn't exactly remembered what happened that night, as far as she knew she could have just gone back to his place and just sat up all night and talked. Granted she did have clothes on when she woke up, and normally before when she woke up from drunken sex, she wasn't wearing any clothes. So she could have just stayed up talking. Still to this day, Marissa didn't know what happened with Vladya, if she did end up sleeping with him, it was just because she was a heartbroken drunk and nothing else.
Why was she so caught up in what happened with Vladya? It was like she cheated on Drew, hell at that point the two of them weren't even talking. So why did it bother her so much? Just in that second as she was about to sit down at the table, it hit her, the reason why she still cared and was so worked up over what happened that night with Vladya, that very night that she stopped going to Envy. She stopped going into the one place that made her forget her awful life for a couple of hours a night. She stopped because she didn't want to have a night where she didn't remember again, but wasn't that the entire point of Envy anyway? So why did she just suddenly decide to stop going there? The reason. She still loved and cared very deeply for the man that broke her heart. She was still in love with Drew Cayden Law.
But why? Why was she still in love with the one man that made her feel more sadness, lost, despair and heartbreak in one second than anyone has in her entire life. More sadness than when she cought her father having sex with someone that was not her mother? She didn't know the reason all she knew was that she did, she was still in love with Drew and right then she figured that that fact was never going to change. She was always going to love him. No matter where life leads her she was always going to have Drew in her heart, and most likely the biggest part of her heart. There was no way to deny it anymore, it was the truth. Granted the last time that she admitted the truth, she was shot down and left alone in bluebell. Still she couldn't hide from the truth anymore, it hurt her too much inside. Now she was either going to leave her with Drew, or she was going to leave knowing that she was never going to talk to him again, there was no in between.
Now sitting down she looked down at her menu. She hasn't taken one look at Drew so far, right now, it was just too hard for her to take even the smallest look at her. First she was going to get the important thing out of the way, she was going to decide what it was that she was going to eat, alright so it really wasn't that important, but it was much easier than looking at Drew at the very moment. Taking a careful look over each of the different options, she finally came to a decision she was going to have the chicken. If anything could cure a broken heart it was chicken from duchy's. To start with chicken cured anything and everything, but chicken from duchy's, that was the one that even cured a broken heart. That was just dinner though, seeing as she already decided to give this night a whole-hearted shot, which by the way, wasn't starting out to good on the whole give it your all, but hopefully things would get better as time went on. Anyway, back to choosing her desert, Marissa took a careful look at the menu and when she saw the right thing, she saw it. It was of course their chocolate cheesecake. If there was one single thing in the entire world that could make things better, it was their chocolate cheesecake.
Seeing as she already decided what she was going to order, there was nothing else stopping her from looking up and into the eyes that she once upon a time trusted with all of her heart. Of course one thing Marissa prided herself on not having was impeccable timing. She was always late for everything, late for photo shoots, late for callbacks, late for whatever or wherever she needed to be. Today though she wasn't. As soon as she looked up she heard words leaving Drew's lips. That voice, that voice that held her heart in her hands still, and she knew that he probably didn't even know that, she was finally hearing that voice again. How good it was to hear that voice again, it was speaking to her, face to face. Of course it hurt, it hurt to hear that voice, and know that it wasn't her's, as far as she knew, it was still Heidi's voice. There was nothing in any of the latest magazines that said they broken up, so why should she think that they have.
There was so much anger and resentment built up the small frame of the nineteen year old, that it was almost impossible to keep it from coming out. She really did try her hardest, but it was to no avail. "you sure got that right" she said in a cold tone. What was happening to her? She never spoke to Drew like this, hell she never spoke to anyone like this. Her tone was cold, and she had no feeling in her body, it was automatic. There was so much anger that was in her, that this was the only way it was going to be expressed, in a cold and lifeless manner. "don't let Heidi hear that, i don't want to be the one that ruins the 'hottest new couple in Hollywood" she said as she mocked in a peppy tone the last few words. Don't blame her that was what the magazines put out, 'Drew Law and Heidi Taylor, the hottest new couple in Hollywood, they got what it takes to make it last'.
Here they came, the first in what she figured would be a long line of sorries. Why did everyone say that so often though? It was almost becoming like 'i love you' people started to say them over and over again, 'i'm sorry' was starting to lose it's meaning and authenticity. Though with the manner and tone that Drew said it, she figured that he meant it, so she let it be, the last thing she wanted to do was start a fight over something stupid and not there, no if they were going to fight, there was going to be a concrete reason. She just waited a few more seconds and she had her concrete reasons, there was so many things that she wanted to say to his last comments. She took a deep breath, gathered her thoughts, and she started. "if i remember correctly, you said the reason that you left me there alone was...what was it.. oh yea... you needed to take some time to yourself, in fact your exact words were 'I need time'" she said emphasizing, and almost mocking her last words. Holding back the tears from flowing she continued. "so what heidi taylor, the new face of pop music, is what you consider time?? man the meaning of time certainly has changed" she said in a cold and heartless tone. It was obvious that Marissa was mad, but she wasn't going to raise her voice, that was pointless, and besides they are in a public place. No need to cause a scene. All she wanted to was get all of her built up anger and aggression out, then see where it goes from there.
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Post by Drew Law on Aug 4, 2007 0:41:18 GMT -5
That night he caged her. Bruised and broke her. He struggled closer. Then he stole her heart forever. Love me Love me. _____________________________________
You know when you were a kid and you could go up to a kid and play with them for about five minutes and then call him your best friend. Drew loved those moments in his past. Life was carefree and oh so simple. Life was at its best. The golden ages almost. He only cried over cuts and bruises and never over a broken heart. Broken hearts where for adults never for kids. Things were rainbows and butterflys and of course racecars. Now things got more complicated if only Drew could just play with Marissa and make up just like that. He was now afraid he missed that window of opportuinty a long time ago. It was now all serious no games. Childhood had ended a long time ago. Drew was now a big kid. No more recess or racecars. It was full of broken hearts and paprazzi.
Drew always wanted the happily ever ending, just like in books. He wanted to marry the perfect girl. Well not the perfect girl becasue that would be boring but the perfect girl for him. He wanted to find his match and marry her and have four kids and a dog. He wanted a white picket fence and teach his kids how to play soccer and then watch them grow up and then grow old with that pefect someone. It seemed like the way he was going he wasn't going to get any of that. He would grow old cold and alone forever. He was going to be that scary grumpy old many that no one wanted to go trick or treating to because of how mean he was. His lights in his house would always be off all the time and he would have a mean dog out front. Yes that was the life Drew was asking for right now. He couldn't let himself go not even for a split second.
Drew was always testing limits. Seeing how far he could go before his physical self or mental self just broke down. This was one thing that made himself and his father so different. His father always looked for the easy way out of situations. Drew tested his limits seeing how far he could go. Both were bad though. If you tested your limits too much you could get in trouble for it. If you didn't test at all your expectations for yourself would go down. Your goals in life would be lower and that would lower your confidence. He got sick a far amount because of all this physical work out got to his body in the end. He wore down himself also with his emotions.
He had deffinetly tested Marissa but unintentionally. He never meant to hurt her. Never. It just worked out that way. It was an accident. Right? I mean really he couldn't bare seeing her this way. Yet he brought it on to himself and her by dating Heidi. So he did bring it on himself when he dated Heidi. He was scared though. I mean he spilled his deepest secrets and then proceeded to kiss her. He wanted time and needed to get his mind off all of it. Thats why he dated Heidi, hell he barley had feelings for the chick. He liked Marissa one hundred times better. He just needed time away from Marissa and to go about that he needed a girlfriend to keep his mind off Marissa.
Excuses excuses. They were all valid but it was whether or not Marissa would belive them or even allow him to appologize for all the stupid mistakes he had made in the past. Marissa could get any guy she wanted so why the hell would she stay with the guy that broke her heart? Drew just wanted one more chance. He would do anything. Drew should come with some kind of warning label about breaking girls hearts and a manual and first aid kit. Then life would be complete. Love would come easier and faster and trust would be perfect. Ah, if life were only like that.
Once more being the dreamer that Drew was he began to contemplate on all the things that the world could be right now. He would be the perfect guy if he came with a manual. There would be so much more social attention. He might have to stay cooped up in his room to avoid his fans and do the photoshoots their. He didn't crave social attention. He was a hermit and his friends told that too him a lot. He wasn't a good talker but you couldn't be good at everything. Drew would freeze up when he first met people it was just a bad habit of his.
People always thought he was extremly shy which might have been the case but he really wasn't all that shy. He was quite blunt but just didn't say much. Shy and just not having much to say always seemed to get confused in peoples mind. They assumed false things about Drew. Oh he had gotten his share of false accusations he was called mean. But the accusations that Marissa was telling him weren't at all false. They hit the bullseye, unfotunatly.
He would do anything to get this girl back. He had never in his whole entire life felt anything else like this towards another female. It was more than liking someone. Could it be... No. But he had this strong feeling ever since he told her about himself ever since he kissed those sweet lips of hers. He didn't want sex from her, hell he could go get that from Heidi if he wanted that. He watched her sad face for a few more moment and sighed looking away. Maybe this was love. It had to be right? He would take a bullet for Marissa. He would do anything for her. He had screwed this up so badly. And now it was over. He just couldn't look at her sad eyes any more. They contained things he had no power to fix. All he could do was sit back and watch chaos continue to boil the relationship down.
"don't let Heidi hear that, i don't want to be the one that ruins the 'hottest new couple in Hollywood" He heard her loud and clear. His jaw tensed as he listened to her voice. He hadn't heard her voice in so long it made him weak at the knees yet the icy tone kept him grounded. He had never heard so much coldness in anyones voice not even his own. He was a monster. He had killed her heart. What the hell was wrong with him? He loved Marissa and if you knew Drew you knew how hard it was for him to admit his feelings. "if i remember correctly, you said the reason that you left me there alone was...what was it.. oh yea... you needed to take some time to yourself, in fact your exact words were 'I need time'" He waited for her to finish her thought. He was stuck. Everything was happening in slow motion. It was an out of body experince. "so what heidi taylor, the new face of pop music, is what you consider time?? man the meaning of time certainly has changed" He clenched his jaw even harder.
Everything that was happening was an out of body experince. He watched as an on looker. He had no more control of his body. He couldn't sit back and watch chaos. He couldn't watch all of this just fall apart. No not until he had his word in all of this. "Listen Marissa, I don't know why I dated her. I was scared. I push everyone away and it was just a bad habit kicking in..." he said. He sounded like such a wuss. Excuses. "I'm sorry." he said looking at her. Emotions where on its peak. He was loosing Marissa and it was killing him. He found himself falling extremly hard. Emotions that had never revealed themselves to him began to shine through. This had to be it. She had to be the one right? He would be giving up right about now, or a lot earlier.
Drew raised his voice and slamed his fit down on his table in a forceful way. "Jesus Christ Marissa, I love you and it scares the shit out of me." he said in loud voice. He didn't take back what he said. He didn't have any doubts. He didn't even start to panic. He just put his head in his hands. He let things sink in a bit more. He looked up. "I love you, Marissa Taylor. I couldn't be more certain of it. " he said in a strong voice which never hesitated. This was a huge thing for Drew. He had never even thought he would be saying the L word ever. But he meant it. He didn't expect her to fall in his arms or say it back. He let her know how he felt once more but this time he didn't want to take it back. He was sure of it.
"Lets get out of here." he said taking a deep breath in. He couldn't handle the resturant. He needed air. He needed to breathe. He was about to blow up.
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Post by Marissa Taylor on Aug 5, 2007 1:08:59 GMT -5
we are terrible for each other and yes,
WE ARE A DISASTER.
but tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane
or a burning building when we're together.
----------------------------- [/size] Why did Marissa do this to herself all the time? It was inevitable. Why was she even thinking about going back to the guy that broke her heart just less than a year ago? Why would she go back to the guy that has made her last year hell and just plain awful? Why in the world would she ever consider going back? She had no clue why she would even consider going back but she was about to, as hard as it would be for her, she was about to go back to same guy that broke her heart almost a year ago. As she tried and tried to think of a concrete reason to go back she only thought of one, but she couldn't still, could she? Could she still actually be in love with the guy that broke her heart? As much as it pained her to admit it to herself she was, she was still in love with the same guy that broke her heart. Why did things have to be so complicated for her? Guess she was just the unlucky one.
As Marissa looked across the table, she couldn't help but smile on the inside, seeing Drew, being here with him for the first time in a long time, just felt right for some reason for her. It felt as though everything was right again, everything was how it was supposed to be from the beginning, she was having dinner with Drew, the one person that even though he has hurt her so much in the past, he still meant more to her than anyone else in the world. Sometimes the hardest thing and best thing are the same, and in this case, it was true. It was so hard for her to completely forgive and forget what Drew had done to her, but for sure it would be the best thing for her, she has been moping and a complete wreck ever since he ditched her at bluebell and if she could do anything to change that, it would be the best thing that she could ever do for herself, but the question now was could she and would she ever forgive him for what he did to her heart?
As Marissa sat there the word forgiveness was giving her such a hard time. Forgiveness was such a word that was easy to say, but hard to mean. Forgiving someone that hurt Marissa in the past was hard enough to do, but to forgive the one that she fell in love with for the first time since her last attempt at trying to have a boyfriend, was down right impossible. How could she honestly and truthfully forgive Drew? Of course she wanted to forgive him, she wanted to forgive him right then and then there and then ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. How she would love that, of course she has had dreams where they were together and they were promising eachother to be there for eachother, forever and ever. To have that come true would make her life complete, to have Drew to herself till she was old and crippled, would make her the happiest person till she died, but it wasn't that easy anymore. That same man that she wanted to have to herself for ever, hurt her so bad, and as much as she wanted to she just couldn't forget what he had done.
Looking into the eyes of Drew she got lost. For the first time in a long time she was lost in the eyes that at one point held so much hope for her, hope for the future and hope for love. But now those eyes that she looked into held hurt, but more so held something that she wished she never saw in those eyes. Then again as she looked longer and deeper into his eyes she saw that they held regret and real remorse for what he did to her way back in bluebell woods. She took a deep breath and turned away, if she was too look in those eyes any longer she might just jump over the table and kiss him, and that was something that she did not want to do. She didn't want to let her guard down that easy, at least not again. She let her guard down way to easily that day in bluebell and doing anything like that again was just out of the question for as long as she lived. She just couldn't put herself out there like that again, she already did once to someone that she thought she could trust and would be there to catch her, but he wasn't and she flat on her face and her heart was broken again.
Sitting back she took another look at the menu. Man what was wrong with her? She was turning into a cold hearted monster, someone that she didn't want to become, but it was just out of her control. She couldn't help but feeling this way, even though her brain wanted to forgive Drew, her heart just couldn't there was no way, she'd been hurt one to many times, and the last time was just the thing to push her over the edge and realize something that she should have always realized, she was never meant to fall in love. She was just going to be alone, and she had to finally realize that, that was the truth.
"Listen Marissa, I don't know why I dated her. I was scared. I push everyone away and it was just a bad habit kicking in....I'm sorry." She heard that and the coldness of her didn't melt a bit Did he honestly think that a couple of 'sorries' and 'i was scared' was going to get her back, if he did he was mistaken. Of course she didn't want it to be like this, but it just was, she wasn't like anyone else, and to put herself out there to get hurt again, was crazy and something that she couldn't be willing to do again. How much did she hate this? This was a bad dream that she had to live over and over again, it was a nightmare, and one that kept on haunting her, never letting her live her life and get on with it. A nightmare that would never let her forget how stupid she was to actually put her heart out there and think that someone actually cared about her, and wanted the best for her. How stupid of her to ever think that someone could be there and mend her heart.
"Jesus Christ Marissa, I love you and it scares the shit out of me." She heard the bang on the table and couldn't believe it, it actually happened, she heard the words that changed the coldness in her heart to warmth and happiness. It was as though she was suffering from some mental disease and all of sudden she was okay. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Those words coming from the mouth of Drew was something that no one thought could ever happen. It was known that Drew was worse than Marissa than it came to admitting that what he felt was love. As she heard that her heart leaped for joy and a small smile came to her face. Why did he always do this to her? He was the only person in the entire world that could do this to her. It was so frustrating, but at the same time, for some reason it was comforting to her, knowing that there was someone that got ever singly piece of her, there was someone out there that knew the real Marissa Taylor, and not the person that she let out to everyone else.
"I love you, Marissa Taylor. I couldn't be more certain of it." As Drew finished Marissa couldn't help but wipe a single tear from her face. It wasn't a tear of sadness, no it was tear of happiness, for the first time in her life she wasn't crying because she was sad, she was crying because she was unbelievable happy, and that was the only thing she could do. It really happened, the one thing that she wanted to hear but at the same time was scared shitless to hear finally came from the person that she wanted to hear them from. She looked at him and let out a smile. Damn Drew and his ability to take her on this roller coaster of emotions, but at the same time, she was glad that this roller coaster was coming to an end, and maybe, maybe she might actually get to have the life that she has wanted, but most importantly she might get that life with the one person that she wanted it with. A few simple words, could change everything.
"Lets get out of here." She heard that and nodded, she couldn't find words to say to at the moment. Really there were no words that could describe how she felt. She felt relief, but once again she was scared, she knew how he felt, but to let out those words to him and let her heart out on the line to same the person that destroyed it in the first place, was something that she should do, but she was scared to let her heart open again. As they got up and left the restaurant they started walking along the sidewalk and finally words came to her and she let out a deep breath. "Drew, I love you so much, but before we walk any further, i half to know something.." she started and with one last deep breath she continued on. "... I need to know that your not going to ditch me in the middle of a park ever again, that your not going to go running scared when things get serious, as much as I love you, i can't do this again, next time you lose me, I'll be gone forever" she ended truthfully. She had to get the words out, she had to let him know exactly how she felt. There was no turning back now.
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Post by Drew Law on Aug 15, 2007 13:22:45 GMT -5
So live like you mean it Love til you feel it It's all that we need in our lives So stand on the edge with me Hold back your fear and see Nothing is real til it's gone _____________________________________
Four letter words could really just kill you sometimes. LOVE. God he didn't know what it was for the longest time and yet it was standing righ infront of him. He was oblivious to it until now. He had one more window of opportunity. He couldn't just watch it fade like all the other opportunities he had let slip through his fingers. Now this wasn't any ordinary window of opportunity this was a huge one with fabulous curtains and no smudges on the glass and expensive paint. The whole nine yards. It was a gorgeous window that he actually sort of trusted. So it was huge step for him but he was ready to take a free fall and he did it. He actually did it. He had spilled out his feelings for the same girl... twice. It had to been some sort of sign, of course. He just wanted to be able to call Marissa his. And he had plain flat out just told her, in very powerful words at that.
Love wasn't a word to be taken lightly. Drew didn't even remember uttering it to his parents. Love was a scarce thing in Drew's life, pretty much nonexistant. When he realized how much he cared for Marissa it scared him because he had never seen what the power of love could do. His parents never loved, no far from it. It was a strange but wonderful feeling one he could never discribe in words. It was like he wanted to give himself all of himself to Marissa to take and love. He didn't want anything but to be with her and love her and make her smile and laugh. It was such a powerful feeling one even more powerful than hate. He just couldn't imagine this was happening. It was like a dream. He always wanted to know what this feeling was but man it hurt like hell at times. He just looked at the frail body across the table from him and smiled to himself.
Nothing this wonderful had ever happened in his life. This was the most amazing thing someone could even give him. He never had good things happen to him and finally Marissa a simple girl far from plain jane. He never expected when he met her that he would be feeling this strong about her ever. It was truly fate. He was now sitting across from her at a nice fancy resturant and he couldn't ask for anything better. He never ever expected that something so great could be a person. He always thought it might be job related or money related but now looking back nothing could have made him this happy. Money would never be able to make him this happy nor could a job that he loved. A person could and he finally found someone who, well used to respect him and share similar feelings.
Drew Law wasn't the Drew Law he was when he was with Heidi. He wasn't like he was before. He had a different look in his eye and he had a different walk. No I'm not kidding. It looks like he could even take a different modeling look. His eyes looked warmer and his body language has changed slightly. Wait is that a caring look he has. It looks like he actually gives a shit now. Well wow what a step up from who he came off to be before. Drew Law doesn't seem to be the bad boy he use to be. Honestly, Drew could careless what people thought of him the only person he cared about right now was Marissa. He loved her with ever bit of him and that he was sure of. So neither of them had been in the best shape this past year. It took a while for Drew to realize that he actually loved Marissa. Better than never.
His fist was still in the same position it was when he had slamed his had down onto the surface. He hoped he hadn't scared her. That was the last thing he needed to do. He almost didn't want her to tell him immediatly that she returned those feelings for him. He was just trying to get himself use to his own feelings he didn't want to have to deal with hers too. He didn't care how wonderful it would be to hear I love you too Drew. It was all just going so fast for him right now. One second he was appologizing then shouting I love you through out the resturant. Oh not once, twice. Drew always needed to spice things up a bit more than they were already. It was Drew Law after all. He couldn't even say it softly and gently. Nope. He had to make a big scene and yell it to make sure she really really heard him. Hey, whatever it takes.
The appologizing seemed to have not taken a strong affect on Marissa her cold eyes just penetrated him. Then when he said I love you it was a big rush of emotions. He just watched her as he tried to steady his breath. His heart was going so fast he thought he was going to have a heart attack. Well that was the last thing this couple needed. He watched her hand reach up and wipe a tear from her eye. He honestly couldn't understand what was happening. Had he said anything? Well of course he did. He just shouted he loved her for the whole fucking resturant to hear. Well if that wasn't enough he did it twice so double the emotions and you get Marissa crying. Good job Drew. But was it a tear of happyness or sadness. He had never seen a tear of happyness because that stuff never happened to him. It was always a tear of sadness in his life. He just cocked his head slightly and tried to read her facial expressions more.
Drew needed to get air. He wanted to know what she had to say but to be honest he didn't want to know if she loved him or not but then again he did. It was just hard enough to deal with the fact that he loved her. He didn't want to screw it all up again and so he was going to have to take things slow. He was already on the verge of running off again but he wasn't going to let that happen. If he was going to run off he wanted to look over his shoulder and see Marissa running right beside him. Thats what he planned to do. If he needed to go he would take Marissa with him. He couldn't loose her again. He wasn't going to just make a big mess out of it all. He was almost sort of scared walking out of the resturant not only because of the press but also about all the room. He could walk away from her in all different directions.
They walked out into the air and the paparazzi were there to greet them. He clung onto Marissa's hand as they headed walked down the sidewalk. For once he could care less about the media. He was with the most amazing girl in the world and nothing could make him happier than the way he was now. He just smiled at her. He was glad they weren't talking very much and just letting things sink in.
Then finally Marissa spoke. "Drew, I love you so much, but before we walk any further, i half to know something.." I love you. She had returned his feelings and he honestly felt like dancing, running off, screaming. He didn't know what to do with himself. He nodded and waited for her to continue trying to stay calm. "... I need to know that your not going to ditch me in the middle of a park ever again, that your not going to go running scared when things get serious, as much as I love you, i can't do this again, next time you lose me, I'll be gone forever" Drew understood where she was comming from. He pulled her hand back as he stopped walking. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her gently into him. "I promise" he said and kissed her forehead. Drew kept his promises every single time. He wasn't going anywhere no matter how hard it was for him. "I love you," he said in her hear. "I like the sound of that," he said with a small smirk on his face.
Drew turned to a small group of paparazzi with a hand around Marissa's waist. "I, Drew Law, love Marissa Taylor and make that Drewissa for your next magazine," he said with a laugh and turned and kissed Marissa smack dab on the lips. He wanted the world to know about his new found love.
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